If you're searching for a place to cultivate asceticism and patience, congratulations, you've found it! This hotel is a true life school. Room cleaning? Oh, it happens so infrequently that you'll start to eagerly anticipate it like a rare solar eclipse. Forget about the stereotypes of luxurious hotels - here, you will experience the true pleasure of simplicity.
Coffee here is not just a beverage, it's a test of your patience. With each passing minute (and there could be 15 to 20 of them) your appreciation for the world around you grows stronger. And just when you think the coffee might finally arrive, you realize it's just another illusion.
Internet? Oh please, the connection speed here is something else! Probably designed specifically to foster your inner peace and meditative state. The page loads so slowly that you'll have time to rethink all your life decisions.
And if you still think this hotel deserves five stars, then perhaps you haven't fully appreciated its 'unique' features yet! A hotel that will definitely turn your understanding of service standards upside down, guaranteed.